Everything you wanted to ask before your first class.

To teach research-validated skills that help people of all ages and stages of relationship improve communication, strengthen bonding, empathy, emotional understanding and expression, and learn to constructively navigate conflicts and differences, on behalf of healthy relationships that are an ongoing source of love, pleasure and happiness. We think that is as important in life as air, food, water and shelter.

PAIRS stands for Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills. The program was originally developed by Marriage and Family Therapist Lori Heyman Gordon as a semester-long graduate program for future counselors at American University in Washington, D.C. From its inception, PAIRS has integrated pioneering methods from education, psychology, counseling, psychiatry and other disciplines into an approach that empowers graduates with practical, usable skills.

PAIRS classes follow an established curriculum and are delivered in an educational format by instructors trained and certified by the nonprofit PAIRS Foundation. If PAIRS is offered in your community by someone not listed in our directory of licensed providers, please let us know.

Our most popular evidence-based programs, such as PAIRS Essentials and PAIRS for PEERS, are offered in formats ranging from nine to 16 hours: one-day intensives, weekend retreats and multi-week seminars, in person and online. PAIRS Foundation also customizes courses for organizations and communities.

Many programs available today are based on PAIRS. PAIRS offers a highly experiential, research-validated curriculum with more than 30 years of experience serving tens of thousands of participants from all backgrounds and stages of relationship.

Excellent. People have made important decisions, grown and bonded in healthy ways, or been able to leave relationships they realized were unhealthy. Countless marriages have been saved. One nationally prominent attorney told the Washington Post in 1996 that 12 of 13 divorcing couples she had sent to PAIRS had reconciled. Research has also validated the significant impact of brief PAIRS seminars such as PAIRS Essentials.

PAIRS is a class. It is not therapy or counseling. It has been called Drivers Ed and Boot Camp for relationships. Trained instructors present material and exercises which participants practice privately with a partner. Like Drivers Ed, PAIRS focuses on skill development, respecting that each participant makes their own decisions about their values and relationship vision.

PAIRS is not therapy or counseling, quite the opposite. PAIRS teaches participants skills to find answers and solutions to the natural challenges of relationship directly with each other. Every class has a beginning and an end and follows an established curriculum. PAIRS ethical standards guide instructors to deliver classes that always invite, never inflict. Participants can sit back and learn without saying a word if they choose; no practice exercise is forced on anyone.

Yes. Many therapists regularly refer clients to PAIRS to give them the maximum growth opportunities. PAIRS is not intended to substitute for counseling, although many graduates say the tools helped them achieve breakthroughs beyond what was possible in counseling, and many counselors say clients who have experienced PAIRS achieve much greater success in therapy.

The goal of PAIRS is to teach strategies and skills that allow participants to find solutions that fit their own values, challenges and circumstances. Instructors do not get involved in the personal issues or decisions of class members beyond coaching on how to use the skills.

Many people who hate groups love PAIRS. No one ever has to talk in front of the group. You can learn just from hearing others share and practicing exercises with your partner or another member of the class. The group ultimately provides a safe place to try new skills, and participants often realize how normal they are in their own struggles.

It varies, usually from 12 to 30 people, although PAIRS can also be taught effectively to groups of 200 or more.

Definitely. Each PAIRS course covers a specific agenda that has been developed, refined and researched by PAIRS Foundation.

Much of it can be, but it is often more expensive and it is not possible to duplicate the power of the group. The group provides energy and a safe atmosphere for taking risks, and shows participants that other people are more similar than different.

Classes usually include participants of various ages. Older participants often say they are envious of people who take it young; younger people learn from the experience and insights of older couples.

All kinds: young, old, middle-aged; happy couples looking for even more joy; couples with the attorneys on hold looking for one last effort; people deciding if their partner is the right one; singles figuring out what it takes to have a lasting relationship.

PAIRS helps singles know themselves better and discover more about healthy relationships. Singles tell us that after PAIRS they feel more able to choose appropriate friendships or partnerships and have a clearer frame of reference for healthy, pleasurable possibilities.

Instructors and graduates regularly share stories of long-married couples who achieved profound, positive breakthroughs. One of the most frequent comments from graduates is the wish that they'd had PAIRS many years earlier. It's never too late.

PAIRS delivers research-based skills training for human relationships. Participants come from all walks of life, types of relationship and stages of relationship. The skills taught in PAIRS apply to people in any type of peer relationship.

Most people who take PAIRS are very busy. Part of the commitment is to set aside time and make the relationship a priority. PAIRS teaches skills to help people connect in a hectic world and helps couples examine priorities in ways that often lead to more fun, peace and success in every area of life.

Cost varies by location, instructor and curriculum, typically from $25 to $50 per person per curriculum hour including all materials. PAIRS Essentials Online is $495 per connection. Some programs are grant-funded and offered at significant discounts or no charge, some instructors offer payment plans, and PAIRS scholarships are available. It is very rare that cost prevents anyone from benefiting.

PAIRS is an educational program. Instructors come from a wide range of backgrounds and each is trained and certified by PAIRS Foundation. The instructor serves not as a counselor or therapist but as a Relationship Educator responsible for guiding participants through the curriculum.

It's very possible. You can learn the tools and experience the changes, but it's up to you to do the ongoing work. As instructors often say: love is a feeling, marriage is a contract and a relationship is work. PAIRS offers a practical roadmap and tool kit that empowers you to create the closeness you may have long wanted but didn't know how to achieve.

Yes. As part of many PAIRS curricula you are invited to create a plan for integrating the skills to reach your relationship goals. Many instructors provide follow-up activities, and some groups continue to meet on their own as lifelong friendships begin in PAIRS.