From Graduate Classroom to Global Movement: The Story of PAIRS and the Education of Love

PAIRS History

PAIRS and the Education of Love

PAIRS—the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills—began not with a theory, but with a question. In the 1960s, Lori Heyman Gordon, a Marriage and Family Therapist, found herself confronting a deeply personal and professional challenge: with all her education and experience, she still didn’t understand what caused intimate relationships to unravel. Determined to change that, she launched a decades-long search for answers that would eventually touch the lives of hundreds of thousands around the world.

In 1975, Gordon introduced the first version of the PAIRS curriculum as a graduate-level course at American University in Washington, D.C., designed for future counselors and mental health professionals. Drawing from her work in mental health and inspired by pioneers such as Virginia Satir, Daniel Casriel, and George Bach, she integrated experiential learning with innovative tools for emotional communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy-building. PAIRS was built on the belief that love is not just something we feel—but something we must learn.


By 1983, Gordon established the nonprofit PAIRS Foundation to bring the program beyond academic halls and into communities, families, and organizations seeking deeper human connection.


Influences That Shaped PAIRS


Gordon credited much of PAIRS' foundation to the groundbreaking work of:

  • Virginia Satir, often called the mother of family therapy, whose approaches to communication, self-worth, and emotional expression permeate PAIRS methodology.
  • Daniel Casriel, MD, whose research on bonding as a biological need and emotional reeducation deeply informed PAIRS’ approach to healing and emotional growth.
  • George Bach, who introduced powerful rituals for managing conflict, particularly the “love-hate” paradox within intimate relationships.

These thought leaders helped shape PAIRS into a revolutionary blend of theory, practice, and real-world emotional skill-building.


Expansion and Global Reach


Throughout the 1980s and 1990s, PAIRS continued to grow. Thousands of therapists, educators, clergy, and coaches were trained in the method, expanding its reach to communities across the U.S., Canada, Europe, and Israel. PAIRS developed comprehensive programs for singles, couples, youth, and professionals. Its signature 120-hour Mastery Program was hailed for its immersive, transformative power, while shorter formats like PAIRS Essentials and Passion Weekend made the work accessible to wider audiences.


A New Chapter


In 2009, Lori Gordon’s son, Seth Eisenberg, stepped into a leadership role as President and CEO of the PAIRS Foundation. A gifted communicator and visionary in his own right, Seth brought a modern voice to his mother’s legacy. Recognizing the urgent need for emotional literacy in military families, veterans, and underserved communities, he helped launch Operation Sacred Trust in 2015. During this period, PAIRS became a leading provider of relationship education and resiliency programs for those impacted by trauma, deployment, addiction, homelessness, and more.


Under Seth’s leadership, PAIRS evolved beyond the classroom. He integrated the work with digital tools (including the YODI app), authored several books like Let It Out, Love That Grows with You, and The Road of Happiness Now, and introduced new experiential learning approaches based on real-world challenges and lived experience.


Today, PAIRS is both a legacy and a living movement—rooted in research, guided by compassion, and powered by a belief that love is a skill that can be taught, learned, and mastered.